Poetry stirs in my heart tonight...I wonder if you will ever know. - The Void: Mind Wanderings of a Lost Soul
emaleythe
emaleythe
Poetry stirs in my heart tonight...I wonder if you will ever know.
I think of your mouth before anything
It fascinates me,
tongue and teeth,
lips curling so slightly at the edges.
Watching it form words,
rolling out sweetly like spring grass.
Your tongue darts out to wet your lips
and I want to kiss you.
A little tugging begins below me.
I make moves to draw closer;
you stretch around me.
Vision tunnels,
all I see is your lips and tongue and teeth
Glass fogs at the thought.

~4/15/05


And it's getting later; the clock is ticking slower. I've thought about you and us lately, how it seems that we are pulling apart. It's my fault mainly. I pulled away in jealousy of all your new friends and I pulled away out of necessity. But now I miss you, more now than ever before. You and I are so alike, you're my doppleganger. How can I go along without you as a companion? And we made plans, that we have yet to keep. I depend on you to remember them, but wonder if you will. I need that time for us, need to know if you're really you, or just a flimsy facade that you erected to keep the pain out, to keep the world out.
I read all your words, and wonder if you realized that you lied to me. Wonder if you ever really meant anything that you said to me. I want to think that you did, I want to think that you do. But the seed of doubt was planted long ago, and now it's coming to bloom. Of course, I am perhaps more paranoid than most, but I don't think my mind is spinning the paradigm of late.
Why do I do this to myself? Choose to believe in the sweet words and the easy lies? I want to trust you, I want to be a trusting person. I gave you more than I give most, and I feel cheated on my payment. I don't want to feel cheated, you were there for me so many times, but now I wonder if you were only there when it benefitted you.
Can we bring this to a close? Can we regain what we had? It was such an easy friendship, though the roots went deep. Please remember me, that's all I ask.

Tags: ,
Feeling: melancholy melancholy

5 Serenades or Sing a Song
Comments
devvie From: devvie Date: April 16th, 2005 03:42 am (UTC) (Link)
This had to be one of the most touching post I've ever read..It bring tears to my eyes..mannn you are such an amazing person my dear. Hugs
emaleythe From: emaleythe Date: April 16th, 2005 09:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
*hugs* loosing friends is hard...it's the part that makes me want to never make them in the first place. I know you understand, that's part of the reason I cling to you, my dear pammy...
devvie From: devvie Date: April 17th, 2005 12:00 am (UTC) (Link)
I cherish you. :D
From: seekingautumn Date: April 16th, 2005 02:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
What a beautiful poem. Certainly, one full of emotion and thought. Reading the rest tugged at my heart, because you should never feel cheated. You're a wonderful friend to me, so I can't imagine you being anything less to someone else. Of course, you know my first thought is directness. I don't know who this is about, but I say directness could clear some of the clouds for you. If they are as close to you as you say then they should understand your need for clarity. Hope you find it, and I hope you find peace along the way, too. *hug*
emaleythe From: emaleythe Date: April 16th, 2005 09:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
but see, that's my point. I thought that she and I were close, but lately, I think I felt more about the relationship than she does, and I don't know how to say it. So I wrote it, with hope that she comes across it one day and knows its for her. But you're right, if I could find the words to talk to her about it, I would. But right now? I don't know what to say to her, we've hardly even been talking. I've told her that I miss her, that's all I can choke out. Maybe that will be enough.
5 Serenades or Sing a Song