tonight's training - The Void: Mind Wanderings of a Lost Soul
emaleythe
emaleythe
tonight's training
Well that was a disaster. Tonight in training we were discussing "active listening" and they made us role play. The first role play was with "paraphrasing", one of my least favorite subjects. It's were someone says something to you, and to show that you heard them and understand them you repeat back what the person said. For example: Someone says, "I feel so lost. I don't know what to do and no one wants to talk to me about it." and you say to them "I understand that you feel alone and confused and that you feel like you need help." I hate paraphrasing, it always felt so phony to me. So I had a super hard time doing it. Then, at the end of the session, they made us role play taking calls on the crisis line. I listened to two examples, then had to play a caller, which wasn't hard. Then my turn to take the call. It had seemed so natural and easy for everyone else but I just froze. I actually had to stop in the middle of it and say, "I just don't know what I'm supposed to be saying here. I don't know what to do." *headsmack* Of course, I missed Saturday where they talked in depth about rape and taking calls, but still.

I felt so foolish. It's my worst fear about this whole thing that I won't know what to do or that I'll say the wrong thing. It's all so hard for me and I'm not used to being the worst at something. Especially not something that I know so much about.*sigh* I'm starting to wonder for the tenth time if I should do this, but I keep telling myself that it will get easier, that I'll learn how to handle it. Guess we'll see.

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Comments
devvie From: devvie Date: September 13th, 2005 02:34 am (UTC) (Link)
I think you will be great at it...I can't imagine either what to do or say in a crisis..but because you went through one you know what the other person on the line is actually feeling so you "freeze". People think because you go through something you are able to deal with it..and yes in time you are...but you still need to learn ...you still need to know the basics...trauma isn't something to be taken lightly, which is why you don't...you will be wonderful at it...I think you just need to learn how to distance yourself from it? I'm not sure and I may be placing some of my own thoughts on this.
emaleythe From: emaleythe Date: September 13th, 2005 02:36 am (UTC) (Link)
i think that is a large part of it. I know how critical people's words were to me at the time. And how sometimes I knew they were struggling for something to say and I just wished they would say anything. It's just so hard, and I didn't expect it to be. I think you hit it right on the head.
devvie From: devvie Date: September 13th, 2005 02:40 am (UTC) (Link)
You know what it feels like to feel ...God what is the word? desperate? You know just how vulnerable those people are you are listening to...which in the long run will help..but I think they probably do have a certain "technique" that needs to be learned...it takes a lot of guts to do what you are doing sweetheart...God I soo love you for it...well I love you no matter what so I guess I'm just so proud of your strenght.
funfairiegirl From: funfairiegirl Date: September 13th, 2005 02:43 am (UTC) (Link)
*hugs*

I know it is hard now. If it wasn't, you wouldn't be ready to do it. Just remember that you have something amazing to share with another woman, yourself. You have been through it, know how it feels and can be there in a way no one else can. You are awesome. *hugs* just be you and it will come to you!
emaleythe From: emaleythe Date: September 13th, 2005 02:50 am (UTC) (Link)
it is so hard, but it seems to come easily for everyone else that is training (granted one is a counselor for the center and the other is just a natural). I hope it comes to me soon, I just need to relax *hugs*
arcticnyx From: arcticnyx Date: September 13th, 2005 02:45 am (UTC) (Link)
Your doing fine! Plus it doesn't sound nearly as stressful as the last class. :)
emaleythe From: emaleythe Date: September 13th, 2005 02:50 am (UTC) (Link)
surprisingly enough, it was almost easier to take the last class than this one. I'm much better at learning.
From: seekingautumn Date: September 13th, 2005 03:22 am (UTC) (Link)
I think you know deep down if this is something you are supposed to do or not, and if you are then everything will smooth out in time.
emaleythe From: emaleythe Date: September 13th, 2005 03:33 am (UTC) (Link)
Deep down isn't communicating with up top Susan at the moment, I think it's shut down for construction or something. Surface Susan is scared to do this but feels that I need to, that if I fail at doing this than I'll just fall apart again. I know I can do this, I know I can, but fear is in the lead right now.

It will work itself out, one way or another. I just hope that I'm willing to listen to myself and do what is the right thing.
kaidysoft From: kaidysoft Date: September 13th, 2005 03:50 am (UTC) (Link)
*hugs*
emaleythe From: emaleythe Date: September 13th, 2005 03:53 am (UTC) (Link)
me thinks I'd feel better if you and I joined up with your icon in the insane huggles :)
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