Thought provoking meme - The Void: Mind Wanderings of a Lost Soul
emaleythe
emaleythe
Thought provoking meme
Yes, I probably have something better I could be doing but I'm avoiding all things known as housework.



The Past

1. What do you recall wanting to "be" when you were a child, dreams of what you'd do when you were an adult for work - who you'd live with... where you'd live... how many kids you'd have. How does the dreams you once had compare to your reality, same, much different? You have surpassed those dreams? I used to have it all planned out when I was a kid. Dreams that included meeting my life partner in college. Marrying right after with kids following a couple of years later. I'd be settled, have finished my doctorate by now and be working as a fabulously eclectic psychology professor at some liberal university living a comfortable life with my family and (most importantly) my handsome foreign husband. While my reality fell far away from these dreams many years ago I am happy that I now have a family and though it's unconventional and, at times, financially uncomfortable, it's my life and I'm proud to have it.

2. Do you have any things stored away that you just can't get rid of but will probably of no sentimental value to anyone once you are gone? Why do we hang on to that stuff? Do you think you could sell or auction it off? I am the biggest sentimental packrat I know. I hang on to many things that I think I'll just want to see some day or show to my children. Much of my stuff could be better used in bits in pieces to make memory quilts or cute little display pieces for my home instead of collecting dust and cobwebs. I do not think very much of it could be sold or auctioned off. The majority would be worthless to anyone else.

Future

When you do die, would you like to be able to watch your funeral? Yes

What type of funeral would you plan for yourself? I would like it to be more of a wake than a funeral. I want to be cremated and have my ashes spread in the woods by my parent's house where I spent so much of my youth. During the service I want there to be all my favorite things that symbolizes me (gargoyles, fairies, flowers, the good songs I love) but mostly I just want people to think of me and tell ridiculous stories about how I used to be.

When did you first realize that life was so fragile? I don't remember a specific time that was "the first" but I knew from an early age. Probably the first death that affected me was that of our cat Ted. I remember being very sad that he wasn't going to be around anymore. The first person to die that I was very close to was that of my grandmother Louise when I was 12. I don't think I've ever cried more than I did for her.

Do you think there is an "appropriate" way to dress for attending a funeral? Or is it even important? I would say anything that you feel is appropriate.

What are some of the more memorable songs you've heard played at funerals? Can you ever get away without a haunting version of "Amazing Grace"?

Do you have any favorite foods that only one relative made and the recipe died with them? I loved my grandmother's stuffing and her beer biscuits, but no one ever makes them anymore.


Fate


Can you think of one single decision you made that changed the course of your life. A decision where if you had done something else, everything would be different now? There have been so many, two of the biggest that I see are choosing to finish my schooling at UNCA instead of EKU and deciding to move back to Kentucky

Do you think every life has a pre-determined course that we will wind up at point X regardless of the decisions we make? I don't think that everything is predetermined but I do think that there may be some things/people/situations that will find a way to pop into your life. Like it was just a matter of time and choice as to where they would fall.

Do you think that it is that left up to us and random chance to decide who we are with? Yes and no. I think that many of your important relationships in life were decided prior to your birth, that you and those souls decided how to meet and interact in this life. However, many relationships come from random things.

Are we are guided to the person we were meant to be with or could you be with the wrong person while "the one" is still somewhere out there? I think that we are guided in ways but that you could settle with the "wrong" person for awhile. I'm not sure, though, if we all just have one person that we are meant to be with. I think that there may be more than one.

Spirituality/Morals/Beliefs


1. What is the difference between spirituality and religion? Religion can be organized and full of dogma, while spirituality is of the soul and of faith.

2. What is the difference between someone listening to what you say and hearing what you say? listening is the physiological act, while hearing involves mental and spiritual aspects I believe.

3. What's the difference between a Father, and a Daddy? hmmm well a father is the paternal parent and a daddy loves you :)

4. What's the difference between being married and living together? just the legal paperwork, unless of course you are living together and just "playing around"

5. What's the difference between growing up and growing old? geez....no difference and yet everything. It's a state of mind, isn't that what I'm supposed to say? I guess you can avoid growing up mentally but you can't avoid growing old physically.

6. What's the difference between getting what you want and getting what you need? lots of whining, bitching, and tears. :) No, seriously, I think that God always provides what you need and some of what you want.

7. What's the difference between punishment and discipline? punishment is negative attention whereas discipline can be constructive

8. Now I am not asking to know what it is, but do you have a "pet sin?" When did it start? Are you trying to give it up, or are you just reconciled to the fact that you will always have it? Would anyone think less of you if they knew about it? hmmm, not sure. Perhaps it's gluttony and sloth, which I think have been in my life for as long as I can remember. I'm always trying to get past them, and pretty much everyone knows.

9. Do you believe in evolution or creationism or something else? I believe in both. I think we were created and then have evolved.

10. For yourself, what truths are absolute? Are there any absolute truths in the Universe? 1. God, or some supreme being exists. 2. We are not the only intelligent lives in the universe. 3. Nothing is certain. 4. We are all connected. 5. Death is unavoidable.

Random Stuff About Yourself


1. Are there any confrontations you have been avoiding that you know you will eventually have to deal with? What's that all about? Many, mainly that I will have to take care of my body, my education, and my finances.

2. When was the last time you surprised yourself by being more brave than you ever thought you could be? When I think of myself as being brave, I always go back to the trial where I had to testify. I wasn't sure how I would get through it but knew that I had to, and was surprised at my forcefullness and strength through it.

3. You know that sickly feeling you get when are speeding and out of the corner of your eye you realize you just passed a hidden police car? It is that "deer-caught-in-the-headlights" feeling, where you are so busted there is no way out. When was the last time you were in a situation like that? lol, the last time was when I was working in the studio and a customer I had just been talking about confronted me because she heard every word.

4. What are some of the things you have a strong stomach for, and what are some of the things that can turn your stomach? I can watch horror movies and surgeries, but have to turn away when someone tries to get me to "feel" weird things on their bodies (turned knees, old scars, weird divots) *shudder*

5. Have you ever been involved in an experience that started out as something good and enjoyable but eventually became destructive and bad for your health (mentally or physically)? hmmm...not that I can think of

6. Are you the sort of person who questions everything, or are you able to accept things without someone providing you tangible proof? I question almost everything and look for proof, but am sometimes satisfied without it

7. Are there any illnesses that you seem more susceptible to than others? apparently anything dealing with hormones is a sore spot for my body as well as mental illnesses unfortunately

8. Would you rather impress or influence others? Why? Which do you tend to do more than the other? i would much rather influence someone because it's a more tangible accomplishment. I don't think I do much impressing, so I'll have to go with influence.

9 Are you able to admit your weaknesses to others? How do you handle your weaknesses (Can you accept them and see them as a strength? (Do you strive to overcome them? etc.) I readily admit weakness so that I can overcome them. I don't see them as a strength (duh, it's a weakness!) but I do try to overcome them (unless I just don't want to)

10. How do you react when you are bossed around, treated as inferior or taken advantage of? I loathe being treated inferior or walked on. Generally I start off by sulking about it in silence until I eventually explode in anger. Depends on the situation really.

11. Do you live your life to meet your own needs, or do you live to meet the needs of others? Why? Both, though I realized long ago that I'm the only one that can meet my needs and that I can not meet all of others' needs.

12. Can you focus on your goals and achieve them, or are you sidetracked by minor distractions along the way? Both, but mainly I focus and achieve my goals (even if at a snail's pace)

13. When was the last time you cried? What were you feeling at that moment (anger, sadness, etc.)? The last time I cried was when Jason was supposed to be starting a new 3rd shift job but said he was afraid to because he didn't think I'd wake to take care of the baby. I cried because I was frustrated and hurt because he was making me feel like I was a bad mother and I knew I wasn't.

14. If you could just verbally let loose on someone and be able to say anything you want, without repercussions, who would you say it to and what would you say? God, too many, I'd love to go off on so many people, mostly idiots and bitches.

15. Should everyone be allowed into Heaven? Or should there be criteria? If you were making up the guest list for Heaven, how would you choose who gets in? ugh....hmmm well, everyone should be able to make it there eventually. There is criteria, but I don't think someone needs to be perfect by religious standards.

16. Has anyone ever told you that you needed to lose weight or change something about yourself physically? Who told you and what impact did it have on your life? Your perception of yourself? I've heard it all, a lot about weight or my laziness. Each time it has knocked the wind out of me and made me want to change.

17. What do you do to make things better when you feel sad and/or lonely? I distract myself with music, art, cleaning, food, etc.

18. Are you a "touchy-feely" person? That is, do you like to touch people you don't know that well? And on the flipside of that, do you like being touched by someone you aren't close with? Not with most people, though I do have the tendancy to playfully punch people I like. I HATE being touched by someone I don't know that well or don't feel akin to.

19. Do you like to have "me" time, time to yourself to be alone and relax? Or do you prefer to just do your own thing with someone else in the room? When was the last "me" time you got and what did you do? I love "me" time but can do it just as well with someone in the room. The last "me" time I got was this very moment, typing away. Last time before that was yesterday, when I got to spend lots of time with photoshop.

20. Generally speaking, how do you feel about the concept of marriage? Are you the marrying type? Do you think the act of getting married means something today or is it simply just "a piece of paper?" I like marriage, I think it's important and I do want to get married. In many ways, it is just a paper but it still means something.

21. Do you have a side of the bed on which you prefer to sleep? Do you sleep on that side even when traveling or does it matter? I prefer the side closest to an exit but always sleep on my left side the most.

22. What is your most and least favorite thing about staying in hotels? Most favorite is having such a clean tidy place and that it's a new place. Least favorite is the water pressure, the strange bed, and the crappy tv.

24. A friend once told me "You can tell when someone is bored with what you are saying to them when they reply with 'That's interesting.'" And I have found this to be pretty dang true. How do you know when someone has lost interest in what you are saying? Most obvious, yawning. Looking away is second, and doing something with their hands is next.

25. Looking back on your life, was there ever a point you see as the "crossroads" where you made a decisions that changed the course of your life? A path you did not take? What was that path, and do you ever daydream about what your life would have been like on the "road not taken?" Tell me about that. didn't we already cover this? One crossroads was leaving EKU. If I'd stayed, I would have had to make stronger connections with friends I'd fallen away from, I would have graduated with honors, and I think I would have started grad school pretty immediately. My whole life as I know it would have taken another path.

26. Have you ever seriously considered, or even attempted, suicide? Considered yes, attempted no.

27. Has anyone you have known committed suicide? Yes, but I did not know them well.

28. When was the last time you pampered yourself? Probably a good year or two ago.

29. When was the last time someone pampered you? The last time I can remember well was when I returned from my first business trip with Alco and Jason had planned out a whole "me" evening with candles, food, *cough* toys *cough*, and lovin'. It was sweet and made me feel very loved and special.

30. Are there any regional foods you love but just can't get where you are living now? (burger chain, ice cream shop, etc. that was in your hometown but has no locations where you are today) God I miss Greek food! Asheville had all of the greek. And I really miss having an Olive Garden nearby.

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Feeling: bored bored

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