the longwinded update - The Void: Mind Wanderings of a Lost Soul
emaleythe
emaleythe
the longwinded update
So having got sleep, I feel a lot more refreshed to catch up on everything else I wanted to write last night....Onwards!



Beyond work and baby boy, I spent most of the weekend being a lazy ass, too wiped to even get online other than to check email quickly and ditch, but Sunday night I found myself just inexplicably missing my best guy friend in the world and spent too many hours googling his name and user names. I didn't learn much other than the fact that he can be quite an amusing and, at other times, an ass to people when he comments on their youtube videos. That part that I found most amusing, however, was that he never comments on the ones that I send him. This of course spiraled to me inwardly cursing him for being a dildo on not contacting me recently despite my consistent nagging in im offline messages and occasional email sending. And then I found myself in the dumps imagining that he's once again found some other chica to replace me for his online conversations. It was a bad spiral I tell you. This all led to falling asleep and having the strangest freaking dream about him in which I was visiting he and his family in Canada, helping his wife put together some play. I was staying at their house while there, and Chris kept telling me to stay away from the windows because his neighbor was a sniper (guns in Canada? rofl). He had an extra child there too, one that he doesn't have in real life, which was odd. Long story short, his wife was a supreme royal biatch to me in the dream and there was this whole gaggle of my elementary teachers there mocking everything that I was trying to do. Quite a disturbing dream, made so little sense..... Funnily enough, I finally got in contact with him last night on ye old messenger and I feel worlds better. And I didn't even have to kick his ass for not keeping in touch, he kicked his own ass :).

Same night as all the googling, I was talking to Christian, my friend and ex partner from SL. I haven't written much about him, mostly because it is a strange strange road with our relationship....but basically, I adore him and know him better than he knows himself most times. So instead of romantic stuff between us, there's this strange therapist kind of relationship most of the time, with each of us trading off the patient status. While I was on my 3 month lack of internet usage, he ended up partnering this very young girl on SL, the one that effectively ended our partnership many months before. It was not a surprise to me, and as it had been months of growing up on my part, I was a bit bitter about it at first but ended up realizing that it really didn't matter to me much beyond a pride standpoint. I mean, I could never have actually had a rl relationship with Christian, so why should I begrudge him a chance at having one with someone that was available. Unfortunately, in this relationship, his role is now reversed to what mine was with him. Suddenly, he's the older one, being 8 or 9 years this girl's senior. He's stable, has a career, finishing his masters, and comfortably settled in the area of the country that he wishes to be in. He's at that point where he's considering family, wives, etc. She's around 19-20, still in undergrad, crazy busy, crazy young, hopelessly in love, and full of all that hope that things will go beyond an "internet relationship". I know the kind of woman she is, because I was (and can sometimes still be) that hopeless romantic kind of girl who believes that love can conquer all. Christian isn't feeling the same. He's confessed to me that he does love her, can easily imagine marrying her, but he doesn't think it would ever work. He doesn't want to move, and doesn't believe she should have to relocate across the country to come live with him. In many ways, he's very right, there are a lot of challenges in making this work. The romantic in me says, "you never know until you try" but the realist in me says "you guys have never even met face to face, and there are a lot of things in your way (age, location, possible different beliefs)". So my first advice was to at least try to meet. But now, Christian has met a girl...in real life. *hears the death toll begin on this sl thing* He' s super enamored of this young woman, even though it's just the beginning phase. But add that to the fact that both he and his internet love have had such a rough time getting to spend any time together lately, and the fact that she's flesh and blood right freaking there? So he's feeling guilty, doesn't know how to break the news to her and was asking my advice. Quite a sticky situation to be in. I must say, I behaved myself and flat out told him exactly what I would want were I in her situation. I said it would be better to know in the beginning that he's met someone and is seeing her, than for him to wait until it is a rl commitment before dropping a bomb. It's going to suck and hurt like hell either way for that poor girl, but always better to be honest. And who knows? Maybe nothing will come out of the rl new relationship? But if it does, at least she is prepared. And if she really loves him, she'll want him to be happy anyway....at least I did and do.

All of which has caught us up to yesterday. Lately J and I have run into a wee problem with Lukas. He has become extremely preferential in his attachment to daddy. It's nice for me, no doubt, until daddy leaves. When J leaves the car for a minute, the house, or goes to work, all hell breaks loose. The child unleashes a hysteria that can only be described as uncontrollable crying. It has even manifested now at night, where sometimes Lukas wakes up and I can't get him back to sleep unless daddy takes him and lays with him. Yesterday, while J was at work, Lukas suddenly gets up and starts wandering from the closed office door to the closed bathroom door (the two doors he knows that daddy likes to shut him self in) and just hysterically cried and screamed back and forth over and over. Now note, J had left 3-4 hours before and Lukas had seen him leave, knew he was gone, but still the crying. I finally got him to let me pick him up and comfort him with some milk until he passed out in my lap. He slept maybe 45 mins and then was up doing it again for a half hour. Last night I spent a long time trying to look up some pointers at alleviating this problem, but it just led to sites on separation anxiety and attachment disorders. The SA sites really didn't help and though I made myself all paranoid about attachment disorders, I honestly don't think that's the problem. It's entirely frustrating, but I suppose it's a phase that he'll get through. For awhile, he did the same thing to my mom when she came to visit, I guess he's just working through it.

Last update from yesterday, during Lukas's very short nap yesterday, I got a strange phone call from the Perdue plant here in KY. The lady said she had come across my resume on careerbuilder and that they are hiring for some HR personnel. Even though I had not applied for the job (mainly because it was never posted), she wanted to know if I had a few minutes to do a phone interview with her. So I did, and she says she'll be contacting me on Friday to let me know if she needs another in person interview or if they would like to hire me. Weird eh? Downside to that job is that it's a 45 min drive away, so can we say gas prices? *whistles alarmingly* Plus side is that J used to work for them long ago and they pay extremely well, especially in the office, so I could be looking at enough money to actually pay for the gas, my time, and more. So I'll keep an open mind.


And today, on the "Lukas is a freaking strong surprising baby" file....I was finishing up making lunch today and rolled Lukas's high chair into the living room in place to get ready to put him in it. I returned to the kitchen to fix his plate and a few minutes later looked into the living room. To my astonishment, he was just finishing sitting in the highchair, apparently having climbed into place all by himself. That's no small feat. I swear my jaw dropped and he just laughed at me.
Every
day
he
amazes
me.

Tags: , , , ,
Stationed at: home
Feeling: amused amused

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Comments
devvie From: devvie Date: April 1st, 2008 10:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
Every minute he seems to progress more and more. It really is amazing. It's like all of a sudden WHOOOOM! the kid knows how to do things to astound you!
From: wickles270 Date: April 2nd, 2008 03:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Happy to hear you are connecting with the people you miss online.

Good luck with the job.

Lukas is amusing.
2 Serenades or Sing a Song