The end of the week is coming and I'm a Doubting Thomas... - The Void: Mind Wanderings of a Lost Soul
emaleythe
emaleythe
The end of the week is coming and I'm a Doubting Thomas...
I will not be dissuaded on my plan because of one bad day of weight loss! So last I had written, I woke up to another lb and a half weight loss, bringing me down to 213.6. That was the end of the dramatic dropping. That night (Valentine's night) my weight went high back to 217. The next morning, up to 218.4. Last night, we were at 216. Kind of discouraging, when the numbers had been so much lower. On the plus side, people are starting to tell me that they can tell I'm losing weight, and my core abdomen muscles are definitely starting to feel the change. I've maintained my mile and a half walk each day, and that part is getting easier as I was actually able to run most of a mile last night. Today however, I really need to kick my eating into gear and escalate my water consumption. I might have to go back to carrying around my steel water bottle again. If I force myself to drink more water, I feel that may help to escalate out the flushing of my body.

I continue to be a nazi over everything going into my mouth, particularly with the sodium and carbohydrate count. I can definitely tell how less salt is helping. But I still feel that I'm getting too much salt. It's such an eye opener to see how much sodium is in EVERYTHING. My first big shock was on taco night, when I discovered that a two taco shells, with 2 tablespoons of seasoned beef and hot sauce were better on all accounts than 1 plain flour tortilla. I never would have thought that. I know that reducing the salt and upping my fiber, vegetables, and fruit is definitely changing a lot for me. I don't feel like I'm starving or depriving myself of much of anything (other than my huge cravings for bread) and my energy seems much improved. Crazily enough, even my mood is elevated. I feel more capable, positive, and just a general feeling of contentment through most of the day. This is very encouraging for a lifelong chronic depressive.

As for the diabetic symptoms, my plan is working! The cramps in my feet and legs have ceased (except for one super short leg cramp on day 2) and the weird nerve pain from the sides of my foot have lessened markedly. It's like it has dulled. I tell you, it's such a blessing. I feel confident that if I keep up this lifestyle change, I will be able to accelerate my healing. I have also been working on daily affirmations, and prayers for healing. I want to be able to accept God's healing in my body. It's such a mental block for me. I do not know why it's so much harder for me to accept and believe that God can and has healed my body as I have when it comes to my heart and soul. I guess it's yet another chapter in my own personal "Doubting Thomas" book of my life. I hate that I question so much what I can perceive. I don't like that I have to "see" to believe. I have all the intention and prayer of a good child of God, but I have the faith of a pea. I want to believe, I have that motivation and craving, but I fail in keeping the faith. All I can do is continue to read His words and let him work on my mind and heart. And that, I shall continue to do.

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And that's all I have time for at the moment. It's Saturday, cleaning day, and my house is a child-driven disaster. Time to motivate the troops and pick this place up!

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Last minute side note, how sad is it that after all these years with the journal that I'm just now making tags for "exercise", "God", "change", and "faith"? Wow, says a lot about growing up and change.

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Feeling: discontent discontent

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