looking for the exit (emaleythe) wrote,
looking for the exit
emaleythe

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Having reached the tower...Roland begins again

It's funny how you feel a day later, after sleep's therapy has washed your mind and heart with her blue release. I woke this morning not in mourning. I woke this deary day and felt sadden, but not overtaken. All of the prayers, well-wishes, and dreamspace hugs surrounded me in my slumber I believe. I went to bed a cold, deadened person and awoke with only the dull throbs of pain. I would love to be able to take each of you that wished me well aside and give all your hopeful, happy energy back in the form of a hug, but alas, tisn't possible at this time. Just know that I truly appreciated it and needed it. Some of my former strength that has failed me recently has once again found a home in my blood....I'll try not to be so angsty again in any near future. But I know my feelings were all well met here by friends and fellow suffering companions, and I thank you for it. Thank ye sai, as sai King would say.

My day has been spent on the couch, in the tub, and with the comfort of the last Dark Tower book by Stephen King. I sped to the finish with Roland, and cried my last tears over the companions that have I have traveled with for years. It was a sad, yet true ending. I feel enormously grateful to Stephen King. I felt like writing him a letter for the first time ever, and having it simply say "Thank you". I wonder how many writers ever simply receive thanks. I feel it is often needed and though the simplest message, perhaps the only one they actually want to hear. What he has done in more years than I have been alive is to produce a great opus, and one that has not only expanded my mind, but filled many long days with the exact mix of escapism and fantasy that I longed for. If this is to be the end Stephen, than let it be. Perhaps I have stolen too much of your energy already. When I picked up this last book, I cried and whined, feeling a portant of doom that he may never write another story after this one. But now, having read it?...I feel you King, I feel you....go if you want, it's been enough.

Having finished that, I read email...finding this gem....says enough on it's own for sure, but shook me slightly: "Here is your horoscope
for Saturday, October 9:

You're feeling an extremely strong pull to make some changes -- some very deep, very emotional changes. Don't fight it. Even if you have to let something go, remember -- nothing new can arrive if there's no room for it."

*sigh* and lastly, as I said, today has been drearily dark, for sure. But all of a sudden, a song popped into my head, and I began to sing it out loud to myself, and whilst singing, a beam of sunlight pierced the haze outside and made shivers run up my spine. funny enough, I taped it as well...queer isn't it?.....so here it is, for better or worse, forgive the off key moments, but this is a recording for prosperity. I swear I need to hear this song every morning for the rest of my life. If I could, every day would be like starting over, and looking for the tower all over again.

wait for the singing...heheh, just don't make fun...
Tags: about me, flist love, funny shit to make me laugh, pcos, relationship, writing
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