Christmas is cancelled! - The Void: Mind Wanderings of a Lost Soul
emaleythe
emaleythe
Christmas is cancelled!

Last night I was so depressed. Today, that depression has moved into anger. I want to cancel Christmas at this point. I may have mentioned already that my birthday is Dec. 23rd, and that this year, no matter what, I was letting it be known that on that day we will not be doing anything other than celebrating my birthday. We will not be going to Christmas parties, not buying presents, not picking up the child for Christmas. NOTHING, except celebrate my birth. For too many years now, my birthday has been that day in the year where people do lots of things but always pass over me. It's like I don't even have a birthday. I never got to have birthday parties because everyone was always with their families, I never got to go out and have a good time because there was always something to do. Presents? Hahahahah...imagine spending your whole life getting those lovely "This is your birthday/Christmas present". My parents tried to be good about my birthday, making it special, but even they later on began having family over for the holiday on my birthday, and then in the middle of it, everyone would take a break to eat my damn birthday cake without ever acknowledging me. It's been very lonely and shitty. There have been only 2 birthdays for the last ten years of my adult life that someone tried to make my birthday special; one was 7 years ago on my 21st birthday where my parents took me out for my first legal drink, and the 22nd birthday where instead of traveling home from college I stayed at my apartment with my roommates and we got blasted drunk. For the past 5 years, I've had nothing. No parties, no celebration, just a lot of traveling, and no presents. My parents took me out to lunch last year, but then I had to go right back to work. So I made the mandate this year.....and what happened? Well I'll tell you....

my boyfriend comes in last night and tells me that his stupid fucking restaurant has scheduled him to work Christmas Eve until 4 o'clock. I felt my blood run hot. He then proceeds to tell me that since he only gets his son on Christmas Eve, that we are going to have to go pick him up the night before. "But that's my birthday!" I say. He just looks at me funny. So I lay into him. We were scheduled to pick up his son Christmas Eve, go to my mother's house to celebrate Christmas (we have ALWAYS celebrated on Christmas Eve), then drive for an hour to his parent's house and celebrate Christmas, then drive back to his son's house and drop him off. Now it's all to hell. How the hell are we supposed to do 3 1/2 hours of driving and celebrate two family Christmases in 6 hours? How? He seems to think he can...I told him that he's such a fucking idiot, that if he did what I asked him to do two weeks ago and ask off for the evening of my birthday and Christmas Eve that we wouldn't be having this problem. I further told him that we ARE celebrating my birthday, and only my birthday, and that he'd better see if his mother can pick up Austin and that if he values his life, he'd better find someway to get out of working on Christmas Eve. Otherwise, I am going to my parent's house alone and not to his parents, and that I will see my family because I rarely see them, and I haven't got to see my older brother since June. I feel like I on a freaking Christmas rampage. It's quite disturbing....but damn it! This ALWAYS happens and he ALWAYS fucks everything up and I'm so damned tired of it.

I'm completely stressed out in my life right now with uncertain work, upcoming government inspections, too many damn people pulling on me for projects and time, and no fucking peace no matter where I go....I can't fucking take it. All I want for Christmas is so peace and family time, where I can relax, take some deep breaths and actually enjoy myself with my loved ones. I don't know why this is too much to ask, and I don't know why I can't get it.

Tumbleweed is so going down, I don't care how good that damn pumpkin praline cheesecake is....they have my vote this December for a good place to bomb.

Tags: ,
Feeling: bitchy bitchy

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Comments
(Deleted comment)
emaleythe From: emaleythe Date: December 14th, 2004 09:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
how I wish I could :)...and btw...happy belated to you, and happy birthday to your little one
From: my_seasons Date: December 14th, 2004 10:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sad that something like this can come along and steal all the holiday joy I've seen you experiencing this year. Sucks ass, really. I hope that somehow you will find your place of peace and not let asswipes steal the happiness you deserve... be it a holiday or not. I wasn't asked to share your birthday, and it tweeks me that someone else, who you want to spend time with, is taking it so lightly. Then again, I'm just a crabby bitch.

Many hugs and much love... and I do hope you can find Christmas again.
emaleythe From: emaleythe Date: December 14th, 2004 10:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
I didn't ask because I didn't know what he was planning....still don't actually...now...who knows...I want to go see the Phantom of the Opera in the theatre, go eat somewhere nice, do something new...now? probably won't get to do anything....

I hope I can...Ema and Susan were just discussing that...but as of now? Right now we're both sad, and angry, and about to have a mental shutdown...

I shouldn't complain...I know that in many ways that your Christmas this year will also feel "not right" and that your birthday was a bit uncelebrated...I love you...maybe we can stick it out together....btw, my mother asked me today if you and Wolf had plans for Christmas...she must have really liked you guys :D
devvie From: devvie Date: December 14th, 2004 10:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
I had a friend who was born on Dec. 26th and she felt the same as you. I always gave her a gift certifcate to Bloomingdales, a place she really loved. I can't imagine feeling so left out, it must have really tarnished Christmas for you too. Hugs!
emaleythe From: emaleythe Date: December 14th, 2004 10:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
see, that's the thing, it never tarnished christmas...just tarnished my birthday...thanks for the hugs...I sooooooooo need them today
pikameta From: pikameta Date: December 14th, 2004 10:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
aw... my sister's b-days are in november and december so they always get overshadowed by t-giving and x-mas - so I understand your pain.

((((HUGS))))

M
emaleythe From: emaleythe Date: December 14th, 2004 10:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
thanks, I'll take all the hugs that you're giving
From: ex_tarnishe998 Date: December 14th, 2004 10:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
* big hugs to you my dear *

There are some days when I wish I lived so much closer to you. When I found your Christmas card in my mailbox and the present inside I about cried. You are such a sweetheart and nothing should be allowed to bring your happiness down. My dear Ema... I will make sure that something will come your way to make your birthday memoriable this year.
emaleythe From: emaleythe Date: December 14th, 2004 10:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
I wished you lived closer too. I'm sure I'll get through this...it's just that this year I actually had huge spirit, and I had plans...and being the control freak that I am, I needed these plans....don't go out of your way for me...just always knowing that you are there is an immense help...*hugs*
billyboydfan From: billyboydfan Date: December 14th, 2004 10:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
Aww i'm sorry honey *hugs tightly and a TON*. Well, just be happy that something from me will be coming your way...for christmas and b-day pressies, hope you like them :D!! A happy note, i think for you: I GOT MY GLEN DOLL!! yup, took some pics of him and me together..in an earlier post. If it was up to me, i would've told you to come on over to my place and just hang out with me and my family. Well, hope your boyfriend gets the day off and you get your special day...just about you!! Look!!, Billy is playing for you..hehee. Enjoy and Cheers!!~Mrs. Boyd
emaleythe From: emaleythe Date: December 14th, 2004 10:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
*giggle* you know? That joke about Billy playing for me never gets stale :D...I saw the Glen doll in your post, I was sooooooo happy you finally found him...I know how long you waited. And I'm sure I'll like the presents...thank you
msjoplin From: msjoplin Date: December 17th, 2004 02:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, sweetie, this sucks!! *HUGS*

Thank you so so much for the lovely christmas card! I would like to send you something for your birthday (some omgsofuckingdeliciousNorwegianMilkChocolate perhaps?), but I fear it won't get there in time. Do you mind getting your gift a little late? :S

(I'm so sorry I didn't read this earlier. Life has been incredibly busy as of late. Please forgive me?)
emaleythe From: emaleythe Date: December 17th, 2004 09:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
you welcome for the christmas card, and you don't have to send me anything for my birthday, but if I can't stop you, no I won't mind getting it late...

thanks for the hugs, i think things will work out ok afterall.
msjoplin From: msjoplin Date: December 17th, 2004 10:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
I've already bought your present ^^ and I'll try to send it off tomorrow, so maybe MAYBE you will have it December 23 (but I doubt it).

Snailmail sucks during Christmas, usually mail from Norway to the UK takes two days. :P
msjoplin From: msjoplin Date: December 18th, 2004 03:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
Well, sodding fucking FUCKING hell. I shipped your package today, and eh, it seems I sent it to Scotland *runs and hides* I didn't know there were two Glasgows. :S I'M SORRY!!!

I wonder if you'll receive it at all. This should be interesting. Well, if it doesn't show up within a few weeks, let me know and I'll send you a new present.

It takes two days to reach the UK, indeed. Jeez.
msjoplin From: msjoplin Date: December 18th, 2004 04:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm so stupid. BOth "KY" and avenue should have tipped me off. Also, UK and US addresses don't look alike at all. AUGH. *headdesk*

:'(
emaleythe From: emaleythe Date: December 19th, 2004 03:50 am (UTC) (Link)
ahahah...that's not the first time someone thought I was living in Scotland :D...s'kay...you never know? Maybe I will get it...with a little birthday and Christmas magic ;)
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