looking for the exit (emaleythe) wrote,
looking for the exit
emaleythe

  • Mood:

stuff, stuff, and more stuff

been at work, listening to the Rent soundtrack, which if you've never heard is fantastic and so hopeful...been singing along all morning, making a fool of myself, but trying to bring it down to a whisper when someone is around...hard to do when you are in the middle of belting out a fantabulous bohemian theme.
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my pager keeps screaming at me that it's battery is low, so I bitchslapped it and said "Now what, bitch?!"...It has since shut up.

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once I began my Rent fetish anew, I got curious as to what happen to my favorite performer from that musical, Adam Pascal...So I googled him (and god that's starting to sound like some perverse act) and found that he released not one, but two albums now. So the Visa card fought the good fight and eventually levitated out of my purse enough to force my fingers by gunpoint to order both of them, including an autographed one for the newest cd *head smack*. Damn Visa....now if I could just get it to levitate up high enough to force me to order "An Insomniac's Nightmare".....hmmmm....shhhh, don't give it any ideas.

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haven't wrote Daniel back yet, I'm trying to get my emotions in control as well as my incredible envy that sprung up last night ugly and green. Will attempt to write a very long nice letter later.....

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began my yoga regime again yesterday, although I had to fink out of some of the poses due to the pain it caused in my tailbone. I completed an hours worth before my muscles started shaking uncontrollably and I stopped. Man, I did not realize how out of shape I'd let myself get....and it's amazing just how impossible some poses are to do when your stomach is in the way. Definitely going to work on that as well.

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Things are still off kilter amoung Jason and I, more tense than anything. Even as lonely as I was last night, I still couldn't get all cuddly with him, feeling myself getting angry just trying to talk to him. It's ridiculous...I feel like I've been betrayed, even though it's more likely that I betrayed myself trying to convince us that this could all work. In fact, I know that I'm angrier at myself than at him. I'm the one that made the choices to come back to Kentucky instead of going to grad school. I'm the one that decided to get in a relationship with someone that guarantees I'll be stuck here. I'm the one that took this job and never even prepared for going to grad school. It's all my fault, not his....the only thing he's responsible for is his contributions to the madness in our relationship.
Tags: random thoughts, relationship, work
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