looking for the exit (emaleythe) wrote,
looking for the exit

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The hard days are coming....

Well, got another call from the DA in Asheville.....It seems that we are going to trial (yes again)....3 years it's been now since that hellish night. Three years since leaving my friends house, trying to get into my car, being carjacked, spending three hours driving, an unmeasureable amount of time in a field in the middle of nowhere contemplating whether this was how I was gonna die, fighting for my life, getting the hell beat out of me, fighting for my pride, getting raped anyway, beaten and murdered mind then being drugged, taken to a hotel room, finding my wits and finding a way out, driving 2 more hours, finally getting free, then 7 hours in a hospital, being called a crackwhore by police, ignored, and mistreated.....altogether 22 hours of sheer hell, followed by 2 1/2 years therapy and still the impending trial.....Through it all, I've lived, through it all I've tried to reclaim myself.....only to hear the DA tell me that my story is unlikely, that it's unbelievable. Only to hear that the only saving grace for us to win at trial is to bring in a victim from 20 years ago whose credibility is destroyed by her life in crime. How am I to cope with this? How am I to think that a never in trouble with the law, college graduate, who lived as a recluse is unbelievable but a freaky jail bait woman is? How am i to deal? Why is it unbelievable that a homeless crack addict would do these things to me? Isn't everything possible in today's world? Doesn't everything happen?

When someone miraculously escaps a horrible freak accident, everyone believes its by the grace of god....Why then not believe that of my escape and survival from a life threathening situation?....

God, I really can't stop crying tonight....guess I'll go on There and cry....and if anyone has a problem with it, then they can go to hell too. Just like he will.....I just want to kill myself....anything would be easier than this.
Tags: about me, rant, rape, stuff to avoid

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