looking for the exit (emaleythe) wrote,
looking for the exit

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Walking all around just to get here.

Today has been the oddest of days. I have sat here for a little while trying to collect my thoughts on what to write about today. All my thoughts are jumbled together, knotted like wires in my brain. Perhaps I'll be able to unravel them, or perhaps I'll just knot them up more. I guess, I'll just try to take it one cord at a time, till the knots release and they all slip loose from my hands.

Initially, I thought that this day would be the nonchalant ending to my apathetic week. I have not been very productive after all, more often I've just set marveling at the hard working individuals around me, with thoughts akin to "Damn, I bet they are working their asses off." Many other moments have found me gazing out the window at my office, eyes glazed over watching the passerbys, or tapping away at the keyboard googling this or that. I haven't felt very into my work. I have done some stuff, iPod placating the Ema-ness in me so that my boss wouldn't think I was a complete waste of salary. However, I do not felt that I've gave 100% this week, maybe only 30-40% if we were to be honest. I figure that we all have weeks like this. And I know that I've had many where I simply worked my everloving ass off for no good reason. I've simply fallen into that mushy mental landscape that comes right before spring. It's almost a yearly hallmark for me. Spring is quite depressing in some ways. (See previous year as proof) I shouldn't feel that way though. Perhaps I should take a new outlook on spring, bring back the basics. I would love to look at spring through my mother's eyes. Spring to her was such a good thing. Plants to be tendered, the sunlight back at the fore, warm days to play, nighttime storms to watch out on the porch. Traditionally, spring is a fresh start, a tabula rasa if you will. A time when all the year's possibilities are right there for the taking, or the making. Perhaps a little touch of that optimism would do me good. But, ah, how I do love winter.

Of course, the cracked out weather of late may also be part of the problem. I have said it all winter long, but I have never seen Kentucky weather act more strangely than it has this past year. Today was one of the strangest weather days of my life. One moment, it's snowing light and fluffy. Five minutes later, it's raining. Twenty minutes after that, a freaking blizzard. Then, nothing. Then ice. Let me give you an "in real time" example. I left my office at 11:53 for lunch. At the time I was getting in my car, the sky unleashed a torrential flood of hard falling ice pellets. Pelting the every living heck out of me. I drive one mile down the road to the post office. It all stops. I'm in the post office for two minutes, and when I come out, it's raining. I drive for five minutes to the bank to make a deposit and it begins this beautiful snow shower, very slowly and prettily. While waiting in line at the bank, the snow gets really heavy, almost blizzard like. I drive across the street to get lunch, and it all stops. It's been like this all day long. Fifteen minutes ago it was snowing again. Now the sun is shining brilliantly and the sky is clear. Would somebody up there please take your hands off the controls?

In other news, I have had to eat crow recently. My fiance really wanted to buy a gazelle, you know that silly looking exercise equipment that Tony Little promotes? I totally teased him and made fun of it because we already have a total gym and if he didn't get motivated to use that (when it's so freaking easy to do) than nothing would help. Well, he bought one anyway and set it up two nights ago. I tried it out, because well, it looked interesting. And you know what? It's actually kind of fun *gasp*. And the last two days, I have walked a mile each day at lunch break on the thing. Am I surprised? Totally. I don't think I've voluntarily walked a mile in the last four years. And the best part about it is that it's inside, so no matter the weather, or how I feel in my own skin, I can do what I need to do to get healthy. I tell you though, the first 7/10's of the mile are the easy part but those last three? Sheesh, I have to push myself to finish those. I'm hoping that next week I'll be able to increase to 2 miles or at least 1.5 a day. That would be nice.
Tags: random thoughts, writing

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