looking for the exit (emaleythe) wrote,
looking for the exit

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Oscar, I tell you!

I'd just like to say that I deserve an Oscar for the performance that I just gave over the phone. I received a call from a worker at the Health Dept in a near by town. She wanted to know about one of our residents, who she said no longer lived there. Even though I knew that a lot of furniture and belongings were missing from the apartment, and that I had not seen those residents in awhile, the residents still had so much stuff still in the apartment and they had never told me that they were moving so I had never moved them out. Heck! Even their electric was still on! The lady goes on to tell me that they are homeless and living on park benches in that city. So I tell her that I didn't know what she was talking about that I still had them living as here. That they still had an apartment, with items in it, and that I even have utility reimbursements for them still. I was so flabbergasted and surprised. I convinced her that all those residents needed to do was come back and they could continue to live here (which is true). I tell you, it was an Oscar worthy moment.

"And the Oscar goes to Susan Clark!"

*roar of clapping and woots begins* Susan walks gracefully up to the platform in a nice swishy silver dress, gives kisses to the presenters, and steps up to the mic.

In a sweet, Southern drawl, she begins, "I'm so surprised by this, I didn't even prepare a speech. I'd like to thank the Academy for recognizing acting work in non-traditional places. I never would have thought that my performance at work that day in June would result in this honor. I'd also like to thank my residents, who through their conning and lies made it all too easy. I'd like to thank my parents, who taught me that sometimes tact and acting as if you've never heard something before can be beneficial and I'd like to thank that coworker, who so long ago taught me that sometimes "the nicer you are to people, the more they are going to fuck you". Lastly, I'd like to thank God, who put me here and gave me the talent to weasel my way through sticky situations with the power of voice and intelligence. Thank you."

*the roar takes up again*

Unfortunately, though I convinced them, they called back to tell me that the residents say that they moved because a family member was threatening the boyfriend and that they were scared of him. They continued to say that they are still scared of him and do not want to move back. Sooooooooo, although I did my damnedest to convince them, I'm still going to have yet another vacant unit. "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Aw well, it was still a brilliant performance.
Tags: funny shit to make me laugh, work

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