Two men dressed in Pilots' uniforms walk up the aisle of the
Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the
tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the
cockpit,the door closes, and the engines start up.
The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some
this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people
sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the
the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as though
will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.
At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The
and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their
secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.
In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and
know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and
At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Master Carlos? This is
country house caretaker."
"Ah yes, Mr. Arnaldo. What can I do for you? Is there a
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died."
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the competition?"
"That's the one."
"Darn! That's such a pity! I spent a small fortune on that
well...what did he die from?"
"From eating rotten meat."
"Rotten meat? Who was so mean as to give him meat?"
"Nobody. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses."
"Dead horse? What dead horse Mr. Arnaldo?"
"Why those pure breed ones that you had, sir. They died from all
work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house! A candle fell and then the curtain
"What the.....!!! But there's electricity at the house!!!! What
"For the funeral."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL???!!!!!"
"Your mother in law's! She showed up one night out of the blue
thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike
SILENCE...................."Arnaldo if you broke that driver you are
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE
George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when
told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she
from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off
light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he
Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should
his door and an officer would be along when available. George
hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were
people in my
shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just
all." Then he hung up.
Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and
ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence. Of course, the police
the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
(True Story) I LOVE IT...