looking for the exit (emaleythe) wrote,
looking for the exit

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Tickling your funny bone

My friend, Anne, posted these jokes in a Craig forum that I belong to, and they gave me that much needed laugh this afternoon while I was in my end of the day slump.

Two men dressed in Pilots' uniforms walk up the aisle of the

Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the
other is
tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the
cockpit,the door closes, and the engines start up.

The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some
sign that
this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people
sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the
water at
the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as though
the plane
will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.

At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The
passengers relax
and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their
secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and
says, "You
know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and
we're all
gonna die."


At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Master Carlos? This is
Arnaldo your
country house caretaker."
"Ah yes, Mr. Arnaldo. What can I do for you? Is there a
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died."
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the competition?"
"That's the one."
"Darn! That's such a pity! I spent a small fortune on that
bird. Oh
well...what did he die from?"
"From eating rotten meat."
"Rotten meat? Who was so mean as to give him meat?"
"Nobody. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses."
"Dead horse? What dead horse Mr. Arnaldo?"
"Why those pure breed ones that you had, sir. They died from all
work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house! A candle fell and then the curtain
caught on
"What the.....!!! But there's electricity at the house!!!! What
was the
candle for???"
"For the funeral."
"Your mother in law's! She showed up one night out of the blue
and I
thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike
SILENCE...................."Arnaldo if you broke that driver you are


George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when
his wife
told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she
could see
from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off
light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he
said "no"
Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should
simply lock
his door and an officer would be along when available. George
said, "Okay,"
hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were
people in my
shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just
shot them
all." Then he hung up.

Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and
ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence. Of course, the police
the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

(True Story) I LOVE IT...
Tags: funny shit to make me laugh

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