June 1st, 2003

journies begin with the first step

The beginnings

So, thanks to a friend taking pity on me, and providing me with a code, I finally have a LiveJournal for my very own. I am barely awake, mother just calling to let me know she's coming to see me. Boyfriend lost amongst a transmission somewhere, I wipe the sleep encrusted state from my eyes and try to prepare for another day of being lost and seeking.

I'm not sure what I seek; at different times, different things....love, jobs, sense of self, relief from mental illness, justice. Now it seems like all of the above. I sit and think now, that if the original me could see what I am now, that I'd be ashamed, mortified, horrified. Where are my ideals, dreams, demands of yesterday? Where's my writing? Why do I whine so damn much? I refuse to believe that its all a natural growth. There must be something.