June 4th, 2003

journies begin with the first step

Sweet Mary Jane....

I'm watching the news and they just keep saying "marijuana". Makes me go back to the good ol' days when weed was medication for me, and medicating time was constant. Ok...so they weren't the best of days. But it's always remarkable to me that I felt more at ease with myself and the world than I ever have since. Gosh I miss getting high.....damn those random drug tests.
journies begin with the first step

It comes over again

*sigh* my refuge from my thoughts, namely #depressed, is full of talk of rape tonight. Just when I thought I'd sleep tonight.....well, here's some thoughts about it all again.....

It’s been on my mind,
spinning it’s devilish tale again.
he never understands,
to him it’s simply black and white,
to me, simply too black and white.
it fuels his hatred in the races,
fuels his separatism from me.
exhausting to spin the web of the tale
which pains to the cell,
when all he sees is ego,
and never sees my blackness.
never in mind,
he walks as a man
sure steps, no fucking way they’d fuck with him.
women are more vulnerable,
men are cowards.
women are the cattle of the masses,
slayed down by the leadings of libido.
slayed down by the leadings of hatred.

it never really was a battle between sexes
until the first maid got ripped open.
never a meeting of the minds,
till men raped the thoughts out of us.
i’ll let them push the war,
but my leading part is over.
i’m through being moldable,
through being someone’s cheap toy.
but i’ll never be through feeling my face split open,
or feel my skin split for his use.
or sense that breath or hands
trying to make me a whore.
I’ll never know innocence,
i’ll never know the bliss of never knowing.
and he’ll never know the violation of soul.