March 23rd, 2004

issues

I don't know what to think about this...

mostly true, but am I really that vulnerable?

Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results
Sociability ||||||||| 26%
Aggressiveness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Assertiveness ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Activity Level |||||||||||| 38%
Excitement-Seeking ||||||||||||||| 42%
Enthusiasm |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Extroversion ||||||||||||||| 49%
Trust ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Morality ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Altruism |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Cooperation |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Modesty ||||||||||||||| 50%
Sympathy |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Friendliness ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Confidence |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Neatness ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Dutifulness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Achievement ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Self-Discipline ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Cautiousness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Orderliness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 71%
Anxiety ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Volatility |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Depression ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Self-Consciousness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Impulsiveness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Vulnerability |||||||||||| 38%
Emotional Stability |||||||||||| 39%
Imagination |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Artistic Interests |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Introspection |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Intellect |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Liberalism |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Openmindedness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 88%
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fairy

My answers for Danu

My name is: Susan (aka emaleythe)

1.LIVING ARRANGEMENT: I live with my boyfriend of 3 yrs, Jason, two cats (Ruca and Psyche), a tree frog (Hopper), and occasionally my boyfriend's son Austin

2.WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?: Cause Celeb by Helen Felding (author of Bridget Jone's Diary)

3.WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?: The one I'm using at work has my management companies logo on it. ALCO Management, Inc.

5.FAVORITE MAGAZINE: O, yeah I'm a sucker for Oprah's mag.

6.FAVORITE SMELL: rain

8.WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: depression

9.WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP?: "What's that noise?"

10.FAVORITE COLORS?: jewel colors (sapphire, ruby, plum)

11.HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?: as many as I can get away with, usually 4-5

12. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? Lukas for a boy, Rain for a girl

13.WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE?: love and truth

14.DO YOU LIKE YOUR JOB? Hate it, which is a shame cause I'm actually pretty good at it.

15.CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?: Chocolate, always and forever

16.DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? Sometimes, although everyone tells me I drive like a granny

17. HOW MANY PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY? I grew up with a family of 5, mom, dad, and two brothers.

17.FAVORITE KIND OF STORM? Rain storms of course! But no lightening! Scary!

19.IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE, DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?: Stephen King!!! And of course BILLY BOYD!!!

20.FAVORITE DRINK?: hmmm....does sweet tea count?

22.DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?: always, but they can't be just steamed

23.IF YOU HAD ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: A professional author

24. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: What do you mean, IF I could? I dye mine so much, I've forgotten my roots. But I always go red, dark auburn, or a bright trendy red.

25. FAVORITE FOOD? mmmm....anything italian...mmmmm

26.IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY, OR HALF FULL?: half full (feels half empty but I need to realize I'm halfway there)

27.DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?: Almost always

28.WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?: God, do you really want to go there? knitting needles, head string, car magazines, boyfriends clothes, and of course a crop of dust bunnies

29.FAVORITE NUMBER?: 3

30.FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?: figure skating

31. PAPER OR PLASTIC? neither if I can help it, try to use a grocery bag that expands

32.IF YOU COULD BE ANY ANIMAL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: cat, lazy, pampered, and fat

33.WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY?: December 23rd

34.HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED/INVOLVED?: I've been dating Jason for over two years, living together almost the whole time. We met on our first day of work at a call center and have been inseparable since, and boy are his elbows starting to hurt

35.NAME A PERSON WHO HAS CHANGED YOUR LIFE: god, there has been too many.....I don't want to cop out on this one, but everyone I meet has changed my life.....Probably one of the biggest was Brandon: exfiance. Made me realize that I can be myself and get by with it. Gave me love I never expected.....and then trampled my heart that left a bruise for 7 yrs.

36.FAVORITE FLOWER: Blue rose

37. FAVORITE MOVIE? LOTR 1, 2, 3, and my alltime favorites Dead Poet's Society, Wizard of Oz, and The Sound of Music

39. FAVORITE GUILTY PLEASURE?: Chocolate, There, and writing

40.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT?: Psychology and the occult

41.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RESTAURANT? Olive Garden, how I miss you!

42. WHO IS THE WILDEST PERSON YOU KNOW? uhm....uhm....geez....I don't know many wild people, probably each and every one of my friends on There
issues

Freak me out!

Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||||||||||||||| 62%
Schizoid |||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||||||| 78%
Antisocial |||||||||||| 46%
Borderline |||||||||||||||| 66%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 50%
Narcissistic |||||| 22%
Avoidant |||||||||||| 46%
Dependent |||||| 26%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||||| 58%
Take Free Personality Disorder Test
journies begin with the first step

am i going crazy?

So I just had a big fight with the boyfriend and I'm feeling all crazy. The fight was stupid, but like all of our regular fights oscillate between trying to tell each other what we would really like to forcing control over each other's lives. So this one was on his choice of an educational institution.

Right now he's going to a Jr. College for exactly what he wants to do : E-commerce engineering. He's getting sick of the inflated school bills and the feeling that he's getting a screwed education when he could just buy books and learn the same damn thing for pennies of the cost of school. So he's thinking about switching to one of the regular universities around here.

My problem with that is this:
A) His major will likely be changed to a less satisfying computer programming type of study
B) He may not be able to finish as an Associate, instead having to go for Bachelors
C)He may not be able to transfer any credits, thus setting him back
D) One of the places he's considering will suck and is my hometown, basically making me have to relocate at some point because of his bitching
E) I am only waiting for him to get out of school so that I can go back for my masters/PHd

So if he takes longer, the longer I've got to keep supporting us....and if he goes to the crappy lil university that is my hometown....I won't be able to deal.

Yes, I'll be closer to my family (which is stress enough for me, much less for him) but I'll also be closer to all the fucking pricks that tortured me through highschool. And if I'm not wanting them to see that I've become the exact loser that they always thought me to be I will kill myself. And I'm not really a fucking loser, I'm just stuck in this intermedia from what I was, and who the tortured aftermath still is. And I hate my fucking hometown! I hate it!
So I'm going crazy....and yes, I'm all MEMEME but for Christ's sake, how much do I have to do for this man before he's happy? For god's sake, finish these last three quarters, get out, get a job, and then we'll move and you can be happy. We're talking only 1 more year!