May 13th, 2004

journies begin with the first step


i refuse to do work today! and i have a permanent scowl on my face.....i don't feel supported.....i don't feel understood....and i don't think i'm overreacting....I just want to go home and play with photoshop in peace.....
journies begin with the first step


Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.

remember that from yesterday? yep....think it machine gunned last night lol.....worst part is that we had a very nice evening together, and were happily in bed until all that hell broke loose....makes me sad....
journies begin with the first step

(no subject)

to clarify the whole mess that i've been going through.....last night, a boy that jason hangs out with, let's call him MATT, was at our house outside with some kid i don't even know. They were drinking, under age i might add, and since I do not let Matt in my house any longer, I didn't even know that they were there. I was inside, having a romantic time, followed by south park, when I heard the screaming. So when I went outside, there sat my boyfriend watching two people who don't even live at the house, beating the holy shit out of each other.

my reaction was extreme, but not overly so. I yelled over top of them, i threatened to call the cops. What hurts me the most is that this is exactly why I do not let that boy, Matt, in my house. He is a thug, he's been arrested multiple times, all of my tenants know him, and my tenants know that he comes to my house to see my boyfriend. In contrast, neither me or my boyfriend are thugs, and simple association with this boy is all it takes to cause problems. So the fact that police were at my house because of that lowlife son-of-a-bitch, and the fact that my boyfriend has repeatedly gone against my wishes and had that boy over at the house are the reasons I am upset.

and to top it off? When I got home for lunch today, guess what little bastard was at my house! Why, you're so smart! Matt AGAIN! not even 12 hours since I told my boyfriend that he was not even to be on the property, and my boyfriend is outside my house with him.....So I told Jason, "either he goes, or you do" and we'll leave it at that.
but for some reason, according to my boyfriend, I'm overreacting....I could lose my job for shit like this, not to mention I'm close to loosing it anyway because of the lack of moveins that I've had recently, and the large number of vacancies (which my boss just called cussing me over).....

I'm stressed, I'm depressed, and I'm tired....and I don't want to talk to anyone, and I don't want to do anything....I just want to stop the world, pick up my shit, walk out, and then let everyone else go on with their lives.....I don't belong here. This isn't my life....I don't belong here....
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