July 21st, 2004

journies begin with the first step

*blink blink*

Hello? my journal is empty and staring.....well this is unusual...no words from me since the day of the great sickness (which I still have, bummer)...I'm taking the hell out of some cold and sinus medication, which serves to basically deaden the headache enough for me to work, but does nothing to the sore throat and swelling ...

Traveled much this weekend, wish I could claim some responsibility for the driving, but that was all Catherines...much travel=much silliness=much exhaustion....but back at work today, boss is on the way for this afternoon, she says it will be a short visit (yippee!)....got bitched at by the school lunch people yesterday for missing two lunch days in a row, but hey, at least I called them to say I wasn't coming. Who do they think they are anyway?....

yelled at my web service people because my site is still not showing up, they are claiming that my account expire 3 days before I even activated the account, brilliant right? I'm telling them that they are obviously idiots who gave me someone else's account info and they better fix it or plan on giving me my money back....really starting to piss me off.....now they aren't talking to me....jerks....but one day, one day I shall have a site...maybe.....

saw my parental units yesterday, had a nice dinner and I tried to get out of the aggravated funk I was in, but stayed pretty grumpy anyway. Mom made the mistake of talking about Farenheit 911 in front of my boyfriend....they had a nice little bicker fest about it, and now he's planing a long email to her with point by point all the things that the movie lied about....good luck on that one mom....hehehe, people are so silly
journies begin with the first step

negativity becomes you

sometimes I am too negative. I agree with that statement. However, what I hate is when other people tell me how I'm so negative, and all I ever hear from them is negativity. Isn't it possible that these people may think that they are not negative, yet actually are? And is it not possible that all of us see ourselves differently from what we project? Because frankly, I know myself on the inside is super negative, I fight it off daily with a stick, but I actually project less negativity than I actually feel do to situational reasons, work, etc. I know my friends see most of my negativity full on, because it's impossible to keep it hidden all the time, but they also see the lighter moments of silliness, belly laughs, little giggles. At work, unless talking with my friends or coworkers, I often have to project that sunshine blowing out my ass little smile....answer those questions of "how are you?" "how have you been?" with "good" and "fine", when really I've felt like hell or had been depressed.....I don't know....I need things to make me happy....need to search out things that I can do....but when I do that, how do you handle other people? Who think you're wasting your time? Or are "obsessed"? Or who think that you are stupid?

I don't know...sometimes I can stand fast and stand up and tell people to back off, that my mental state is worth more than they believe it to be. Sometimes I cave and think, yeah they are right, it is a waste of time...blah blah....but usually, I'm torn....I wish I could do things like other people, like step out of their house, go to a club, and be happy with that....but for me, social activities are often what I consider to be a waste of time....I do like to be sociable with my friends, but not with strangers...I don't know....suddenly I am tired, must be all that food eating.....want to take a nap.....

Wonder when my boss will get here.....
journies begin with the first step

snagged from everyone....wahahahah


Your LiveJournal Love Life
LJ Username
You are lusted after by: crystalgamgee
You will be seen naked by: _iconsofkat
You will have casual sex with: _iconsofdoom
You will be loved by: yavieulmadin
You will fall in love with: royko
You will end up with: theshadowwolf
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ok...I was sooooooooo tempted to change that last name...but decided, ah hell leave it and laugh it off...so end up with shadow? ahahahaha
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