November 24th, 2004

journies begin with the first step

I'm alive, I swear

hello my strange and lonely journal as of late....

so much has happened, and yet so little. Had the child over the weekend, and he was on his best behavior (I swear, it is true). We went to see Spongebob the Movie and laughed our asses off like some strange deranged family. We had a nice weekend. I finished all my Christmas shopping except for a game for my brother and a mod chip for the xbox for my bf. Monday, I sucked up as much courage as I could and went to my dentist appointment. But when he said he was going to have to remove the tooth, I literally had a breakdown in the office, without warning. I sobbed for a good 15 mins and had the entire office worried about me. But I couldn't explain to them why I was so upset. I just can't stand the thought of going through life with a hole in my teeth. It makes me feel so trashy, in an unexplained way. As if I'm some white trash person that doesn't care if they loose all their teeth. Not to mention my boyfriend is a bit of a teeth freak and had told me before that he could not date someone with bad all of this was going through my head, and I couldn't stop crying. But I knew that if the dentist said the tooth couldn't be saved, then the tooth can't be saved. Eventually, I calmed down enough to let them remove it....and then I sobbed the whole half hour drive home. When I got home and saw my boyfriend, I broke down again and cried for another hour. It took me 10 mins to even tell him what was wrong...and he was so nice, he told me he didn't care if I didn't have that tooth (although I do) and that he loved me, that it was going to be alright. He decided to stay home to take care of me instead of going to work...:( was so sad. My mom came an hour later (which was preplanned) because we were supposed to go shopping. We went to Bowling Green and went to Lane Bryant. I finally found myself a coat to go with my hat ( a nice black wool doublebreasted peacoat...gah, I love it) and mom bought me this extraordinarily long scarf to go with it (I'm a scarf whore- the longer the better)....went home and passed out.

Yesterday, I came to work, but within an hour felt so ill and achy over the tooth, that I went home. I got home and immediately passed out at 9:30...didn't wake up until 2:30 up took some more medicine and an hour later felt sooooo sick last night after taking today, I'm going to live with the pain...the medicine seems to just make it worse....

and now work...but thinking of leaving at 2:00....might as well get out of here...haven't been at work much for the last three weeks, why make this week any'm such a loser *head desk*
journies begin with the first step

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