looking for the exit (emaleythe) wrote,
looking for the exit

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Please, a second hundredth chance?

I am sorry. All I do is spout anger and frustration now and I've made you mad, alienated you. I don't know how to cure it and every time I open my mouth more poison comes out. I want to be better. Sometimes I just feel so socially inept that I don't know how to change my train wreck of relationships while they are still at the point where they can be saved. What do I need to say to you?

I feel like you're pulling back and I know I've been a large reason why. Don't retreat! Please, let's fix this! I don't know what I'd do without you in my life and though I can be totally hateful and seemingly completely self-absorbed, I do think of you constantly with fondness and concern. It's just my stupid mouth.

So let me tape my mouth shut and be there for you. I don't want to talk about me anymore. Please help me to help you. Tell me what you need, I'm too ridiculous to comprehend without you telling me. Yes, I am that stupid sometimes, don't argue with me. And don't say it's ok, not this time. Don't tell me I didn't do it, when I just know that I did. Even when you say "it's not you" I still beat myself up over it. Even when I believe you when you say "it's not you", I torture myself because then it just shows how socially inept I am.

Let me fix it, please? You're the closest person to me, don't let me ruin it.
Tags: about me, flist love, stuff to avoid

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