looking for the exit (emaleythe) wrote,
looking for the exit

  • Mood:

Please, a second hundredth chance?

I am sorry. All I do is spout anger and frustration now and I've made you mad, alienated you. I don't know how to cure it and every time I open my mouth more poison comes out. I want to be better. Sometimes I just feel so socially inept that I don't know how to change my train wreck of relationships while they are still at the point where they can be saved. What do I need to say to you?

I feel like you're pulling back and I know I've been a large reason why. Don't retreat! Please, let's fix this! I don't know what I'd do without you in my life and though I can be totally hateful and seemingly completely self-absorbed, I do think of you constantly with fondness and concern. It's just my stupid mouth.

So let me tape my mouth shut and be there for you. I don't want to talk about me anymore. Please help me to help you. Tell me what you need, I'm too ridiculous to comprehend without you telling me. Yes, I am that stupid sometimes, don't argue with me. And don't say it's ok, not this time. Don't tell me I didn't do it, when I just know that I did. Even when you say "it's not you" I still beat myself up over it. Even when I believe you when you say "it's not you", I torture myself because then it just shows how socially inept I am.

Let me fix it, please? You're the closest person to me, don't let me ruin it.
Tags: about me, flist love, stuff to avoid

  • So, so you think you can tell...

    apparently my children are awesome, either that or i'm a strange mother. Proof is in the pudding, you say. Well take this as an example of what i…

  • mini update

    Man I tell you that I've had a least a million entries in my head for the past week, all of them half composed either in here, on scraps of paper, or…

  • happy birthday!

    Happy birthday to my dear findinglifenow. Here's hoping all you wish and want comes to you in excess this year.

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.