Surviving none-the-less - The Void: Mind Wanderings of a Lost Soul
Surviving none-the-less
Today is my first day off since 7 days ago and my only day off this week. I woke at 10:30, sadly too early, and after some bipolar like mood change decided to go with Jason up to E-town. I unfortunately didn't get that far, as the phone rang a few minutes early. It was HH wanting to know if I could go up to a hospital call for a victim that had been brought in. I said yes before I had time to talk myself out of it. As soon as I hung up the phone I got quite distressed. This would be my first hospital call and it's falling only 4 days apart from the 5th anniversary of my own ordeal.

Needless to say I forced myself to go. And may I say that while it was awkward at times, and I wondered if I was doing it right, it wasn't near as nervewracking or unnatural as I thought it would be. It felt eerily "right", I'm not sure how to explain it. It was hard to not put myself into it though, and I felt I may have talked to much...but at the same time, they seemed to be okay with it, and if I'm not upsetting them, than I could not have been that bad, right?

The tiny similarities between the victim and my cases kind of hit me in tiny ways, but I wasn't so concerned that I lost focus.

Of course my own experiences are now flooding my head, now that I'm finally home. I feel a bit agitated, went a little naggy and bitchy on Jason as soon as I got home. I felt so pissed off and perpetrators and men, society and the law system. Gah! Just brought up all those issues, you know? Like I was on some sort of mission to abolish rape and to completely change the way all of the "system" deals with us survivors.

I don't know what to think right now...need to go off and cope.

Tags: ,
Feeling: frustrated frustrated

6 Serenades or Sing a Song
From: barefootatkheb Date: February 21st, 2006 11:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
*hugs tightly* was very brave of you to go <3 <3
waqaychay From: waqaychay Date: February 22nd, 2006 01:51 am (UTC) (Link)
first of all, congratulations on getting through the hospital call without freaking out. i know that had to be hard, but very well done! and i know it would be really bad to empathize with the victim too much, but a little empathy never hurt. at least the poor woman knew that you cared and you understood. in such a tramautic event, that had to help at least a little.

secondly, i just wish i could give you a big hug right now. i am so sorry bad things happened to you. if you need to rant to someone about the evils of men and society and our legal system, i'm here.
From: devvie2 Date: February 22nd, 2006 04:31 am (UTC) (Link)
From: (Anonymous) Date: February 22nd, 2006 09:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
Love to you, Darlin.

From: devvie2 Date: February 23rd, 2006 01:15 am (UTC) (Link)
I had to come back in even though I posted to tell you:

From: seekingautumn Date: February 23rd, 2006 04:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
You are one of the bravest people I know. I love you.
6 Serenades or Sing a Song