looking for the exit (emaleythe) wrote,
looking for the exit
emaleythe

  • Mood:

Surviving none-the-less

Today is my first day off since 7 days ago and my only day off this week. I woke at 10:30, sadly too early, and after some bipolar like mood change decided to go with Jason up to E-town. I unfortunately didn't get that far, as the phone rang a few minutes early. It was HH wanting to know if I could go up to a hospital call for a victim that had been brought in. I said yes before I had time to talk myself out of it. As soon as I hung up the phone I got quite distressed. This would be my first hospital call and it's falling only 4 days apart from the 5th anniversary of my own ordeal.

Needless to say I forced myself to go. And may I say that while it was awkward at times, and I wondered if I was doing it right, it wasn't near as nervewracking or unnatural as I thought it would be. It felt eerily "right", I'm not sure how to explain it. It was hard to not put myself into it though, and I felt I may have talked to much...but at the same time, they seemed to be okay with it, and if I'm not upsetting them, than I could not have been that bad, right?

The tiny similarities between the victim and my cases kind of hit me in tiny ways, but I wasn't so concerned that I lost focus.

Of course my own experiences are now flooding my head, now that I'm finally home. I feel a bit agitated, went a little naggy and bitchy on Jason as soon as I got home. I felt so pissed off and perpetrators and men, society and the law system. Gah! Just brought up all those issues, you know? Like I was on some sort of mission to abolish rape and to completely change the way all of the "system" deals with us survivors.

I don't know what to think right now...need to go off and cope.
Tags: hh, rape
Subscribe

  • Day 3 and I'm amazed....

    Okay, so it's day three of "Get rid of weight and diabetes" plan and all is well. Did you hear me? All is well! I had some low moments yesterday and…

  • success!

    I have purchased the elusive LaLaLoopsy...all is right in the world. Now just to figure out where another $300 or so is gonna come from to buy the…

  • Christmas Shopping...oh woe is me :D

    What a crazy but good day off I've had today. Wrote the newsletter for work, stayed up super late last night playing a video game, got a little…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 6 comments