today......well today was....hmm....exhausting? disappointing? oh where's the right word? Lukas isn't doing so well on sleeping lately. He's up real late or he wakes really early, either way I'm feeling almost as exhausted as when he was a newborn. We keep trying to put him on a schedule, but he's very resistant. like just now, we were trying to make him stay up because it was getting so late and he hadn't napped since noon. well he ended up falling asleep after dinner but is already awake again a half hour later. yet, there he sits, tired as hell, still crying, and he won't go down for the night. what do you do? poor thing gets so tired....feel like it's our fault that he's not on some sort of schedule. i don't know...we'll keep trying I guess.

last night i had a massive mood swing again, was feeling so good then *bam* back to ground zero over the whole Christian thing. I'm so tired of it. so tired of caring about a person that only cares about me when they "feel like it". it's so discouraging and it makes me feel lower than dirt, as if i'm not worthy of love. fucking fuckity fuck. and that's another thing, internet guys who pretend to try and talk to you but every other sentence is about sex. I DO NOT WANT TO CYBER FUCK YOU. honestly, get over the whole wanking it and acting like you are hot shit. I AM NOT IMPRESSED BY YOUR TYPOED LINES OF FILTH, PLEASE MOVE ON. that is all.

Tags: baby, lukas, second life
Feeling: drained