looking for the exit (emaleythe) wrote,
looking for the exit

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Weighing in on weighing in

Inspired by my dearest friend Danu, I am making a commitment to lose weight this year, and the following year, and so on until I feel I have reached a healthy and nonmedically termed obese person. My goal for this year will be simple, I only wish to drop the remaining baby weight pounds to reach a weight that is less than 200 lbs. I have yet to see what I weigh following the birth of the baby, mostly because I'm scared of the number and because I feel so puffy and bloated still. I know that I need to do that as well as start the trials of researching the best path on diet changes, exercise, and just what exactly this magic number in weightloss and calories should be. Danu has done so much positive research with her own life change, that I'm encouraged to do some myself. But the thing that encourages me the most is her success thus far. I've often felt that the only thing that holds me in this obese pattern is my own lazyness, choosing the easy road or the tastier road, I tell myself. But I remember just a few years back how much better I felt and how quickly I could make some small dietary changes that made major impact on how I felt. Prior to pregnancy with Lukas, I managed to drop 25 lbs in three months by only switching to diet soda (instead of my one 16 oz Dr. Pepper a day) and hyping up with exercise through working. Years before that, while living in Asheville NC, I maintained my weight at around 200 lbs, lowered my cholesterol, and gained a lot of muscle just by eating a 60% vegetarian diet and walking everywhere. I used to feel better about myself. I'd like to be in that place again.

This morning I put on my clothes to get ready to go to the Health Dept to get Lukas another set of shots. When I went to the bathroom I had to stare at myself for a few minutes because I didn't recognize the body silhouette that was mirrored at me. I looked so skinny! After months of feeling and looking like a beached whale, it was just so odd to not see a belly pouched out. It was so lovely to me. I turned to the side, flattening my shirt, then letting it loose itself back naturally on my body. I stood up straighter, then hunched down. And yes, I admit, for a split second I even sucked in my gut. My body after birth is still of course in the resettling of organs phase, so I know this isn't the same silhouette I'll see in a month, but for now it was a beautiful thing. Granted I still make faces when I see myself naked, but for now, in clothes, I feel pretty. And that's nothing to snicker at. Anyway, my point of all this, is that I'd love for the shape I saw this morning and the accompanying emotions that went with it to continue. I want to be able to see this shape every morning, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now. I want to feel pretty, sexy, maybe a bit lascivious *grin*. Mostly, I just want to look in the mirror every day and love what I'm seeing as much as I loved myself this morning. I know it's possible, nay I know it will happen.

So today I hope to start that research, plan out in detail some goals (and rewards because who doesn't like being rewarded? and it's working so well for Danu), start looking at the best way for me to journal my food and exercise, and find some sort of source for healthy whole family recipes to work from. And maybe, just maybe, I'll step a foot on that scale.
Tags: about me, weight

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