looking for the exit (emaleythe) wrote,
looking for the exit

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we are now de-elavating to code yellow

okay, you can turn code red off now....you'll be happy to know that 8 mins after i wrote the last entry, I went to help myself. I drove home, told the boyfriend to hope in the car (without even getting out), and drove to a nearby park. I walked through the park to a forested area with a swollen creek running through, and sat for awhile in my dress clothes watching the water, the trees, grounding myself. I feel better now....although there was a comical scene, that I may include in the story...I'm still not confident in my writing and I do thank crystal and catherine for the kind words....but it's not true. So i may not be the lowest of suckdom, i am not writing as I used to....and i'll have to work on it...after all, i need to take my own advice, "This is my first story period in a very long time, so here's hoping that nobody hates it.....consider as well, this is always a work in progress." That's what I'll be, and always have been, "a work in progress"....maybe this rusty time will be an impetance to continue to improve myself. And yes, I will keep writing the story....for perhaps that's another problem. I've lost my therapy of words, and too many stories unwritten are making me sick in the head.....must take my therapy after all. And if ever I needed therapy, it would be now....i may be afterall, not doing as well as I thought I was....

I remember, when right after the kidnapping in the suceeding months this type of numbness, this deattachment from everything, which eventually dissolved when I felt in a "safer point"....a place where I was ready to deal with it....And although I feel better than I predicted following the trial, the major stress and anger of it may just be in wait...So i'll take it slow....we'll see....
Tags: about me, random thoughts, rape, writing

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