looking for the exit (emaleythe) wrote,
looking for the exit

It all falls apart.....

So I'm sitting at work, having a particularly productive day, when *ring ring* I get a call. It's Boyum, Assistant DA from North Carolina updating me on my case. It seems that a month ago when offered the plea agreement with 10 yrs prison and 10 yrs registering as a sex offender, the bastard decided that noooooo, he doesn't want to register as a sex offender. My mom (eccentric and very new agey) has thus consulted her psychic friends, and sent me emails about how his spirit guides are trying to make him own up to all that he's done to me, but that he is resisting. To mom, this makes perfect sense. To me? Well, being a psychologist i realize that most people resist owning up to the horrible things that they have done, it's called denial mom, so i wasn't really surprised. But now, back on the phone, Mr. Boyum is telling me that he's consulted with the main asshole DA who thinks that the tale of what happened to me is so odd and unlikely that he thinks it is best that we let him just take a plea for 10 years prison. What am I supposed to do? I re-explained why it was so terribly important to me that the registering be included, and reaffirmed that I'm willing to testify in court....but it's been over two years, and the doubts that anyone will believe me are still there. ....and the damn DA's will do whatever they want anyway, because they are male, because they can't understand, .....soooooo, I relented, and my heart's broken again.....

There are so few tiny pieces left now....I keep telling myself that I didn't deserve this, that I did nothing to provoke this, that I've fought all that I can.....but every step I take is another concession, is another slap in the face.....I'm so tired....
of fighting......
Tags: about me, rape, stuff to avoid
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