winding around myself

Christmas Shopping...oh woe is me :D

What a crazy but good day off I've had today. Wrote the newsletter for work, stayed up super late last night playing a video game, got a little sleep, but have gone all day long. The kids have been eccentric and all over the place, but they managed to sit nicely and play two board games with me before jumping and climbing on their daddy like he is a jungle gym. I got to play a sword-stabbed victim for them repeatedly, as they think it most fun to play the ol' stab ya in the armpit trick as you groan out your deathly complaints. Went Christmas shopping with mom so that she could wrap up the pressies for the kiddos in the family. She actually managed to spend quite a lot less this year than in years' past which is great! Gives me hope since I did the unthinkable this year and have put off all shopping. Thank god for a wishlist so that I can start ticking off some of these presents slowly. I'm jealous of my self from last year where I was all finished before Thanksgiving and only had to watch sales so that I could rack up price differences when they popped up. This year I get to frantically scramble with all the other folks fighting for the same darn Silly Hair Lalaloopsy doll because my daughter has deemed it one of her expected "must haves".

Sage is such a sweetly odd little girl. Unlike her brother who will flat out tell me that he wants "this one real bad, and this one kind of", Sage will just tell me a huge list and then claim she loves it all equally. Makes it very hard when shopping for her because I hate seeing a lil disappointed face when I miss getting the toy she wanted the most. So with Sagey, I have to be tricky and watch for her cues, because she always has a tell. For my girl, the tell is usually just being perceptive enough to listen to every conversation she has for months because inevitably she will start dropping in a repetitive sentence like "When I get my puppet, I'm gonna need you to help me make her" or "Santa IS going to get me my muppet and I'll be soooooo happy". When I hear her repeating this same toy with a definitive air in her words, I know that that's THE toy. That's the one that when she unwraps it she'll dissolve into a girly mess of giggles, smiles, and hugs....and when it's all said and done, that's the only present I really need to get. Last Christmas I started getting it right, when I was told repeatedly that she was going to have a unicorn pillow pet. Sure I got other presents too, but she didn't notice. As soon as she opened the pillow pet she hugged it, ran off to love it and ignored the rest of the big pile of toys waiting to be discovered under the Christmas wrap. It took hours to get her to finish unwrapping the rest of her presents. Same thing with her birthday this year, when THE toy was a walking puppy toy. I was told over and over again that while she wanting the world (seriously, the almost 3 yr old made an 89 item wishlist! born shopper *headsmack*), she couldn't wait to show off her walking puppy. So I made sure she got that walking puppy and got to see her just have a party of expressions when she opened it. That one she wouldn't even let me get out of the box before she ran away to love on it. lol! So this year, it's the Make your own Muppet Puppet from the Fao Schwartz line at Toys R Us and the Silly Hair LaLaLoopsy doll. Mom has the Muppet covered as of today and I've got my designs on that doll as of tomorrow. Let's hope my baby isn't disappointed, because if I can't get this darn hard to find doll, Momma will NOT be paying exhorbent prices on Ebay.

What's else on Christmas shopping plans? Upgrading a video card for Austin's computer so that he can play his Christmas present from my mom (Skyrim on the PC, sooooooooooo jealous), a few tactile toys for my nephew, Leapster Explorer games for both the little ones (because we're a Leapfrog family till death yo!), some assorted dress up stuff, play doh, a new family board game (thinking it might be the Guess Who game time), a first Lego set for Lukas (is it already that time *sigh*), and a bevy of special presents for the older family members. I'm most excited to give the Grandparent's their gifts! I had this brilliant idea inspired off the kid's school fundraiser to have them draw a special picture a piece with their own signature on them. We then scanned them in and have created some awesome CafePress things for the family. We have them mounted on magnets for the uncles and on tile coasters (that we will be putting a picture hanger on) for the grandparents. It's so sweet and captivates them at this age perfectly that I know a few grandparents that are going to be just a wee bit teary. *huge grin*

Well, being fussed at for "more water" by my super sleepy and starting to be whiney off to be mommy again.
journies begin with the first step

Back again....

Ah the joy of never worrying about LJ. It's always here no matter how far I stray. Though again I say that I desperately need to back this puppy up in case the system ever goes down. It would be a tragedy to ever loose all these accounts of my life.

Life is crazy since I last wrote....3 years later I have a very bossy sassy 3 yr old princess and a bright eccentric almost 5 yr old boy. Who would have thought I'd ever get here.....

Not much to say today, but I want to start talking more. I feel my writing has suffered the motherhood chopping block and I dearly miss it. The only writing/composing I ever do anymore is the biweekly paycheck attachment for work. Hah! That's not even good writing! It's insane.

To sum it all up, blame facebook and it's evil games for stealing me away. Short entries took over my good daily recordings in here.
journies begin with the first step

wanting to talk but nothing comes out

sometimes i don't like internet based media....not the journalists mind you, but the fact that whatever you say it's broadcast everywhere and anywhere....there's no control. you have to be as careful about what you write on the internet as you would talking to the town gossip. it frustrates me. It makes it near to impossible to share without being overexposed.

I guess i'm just feeling that there's very few places where i feel i can be honest anymore. and lying is just too tiresome.


in other news, i feel something building inside...the little rusty word machine is churning a bit and dying to bleed out some's sad that there's so little time.
journies begin with the first step

(no subject)

lukas pushed the highchair over to the island, where a large pan of fresh out of the oven brownies cooled. He popped up on the chair, surveying his treasure, "ooo brownies, yum yum." then evil momma hearing him, came and pulled him away with a laugh. she did give him a brownie though, because not even momma can resist his charm.
tomorrow creeps

yay productivity!

So I finally got around to combining all of my music into one folder on the computer. I think I finally have it all consolidated and I redownloaded itunes for the 10th time. Now i'm converting all the files, putting them in itunes, and then i have to track down my old ipod software disk so that i can update my ipod for the first time in over two years rofl. The tricky part is that I'm going to have to either update the ipod manually (as if) or find out if itunes has a program where i can buy unlimited rights to the stuff I downloaded long ago when they had their whole "only for 5 machines" rule. Hopefully they have a program, because I really really don't want to manually update all the stuff not on the ipod and I really really don't want to lose music that I legitimately paid for. Makes sense right?

The whole point to all of this is that I'm tired of listening to the same 7 gb or so of music that I was into 2 years ago (and still am, but i've grown child). And this way I can finally go back to listening to stuff I like on the trips in the car rather than the drivel people put out on mainstream radio now. I was going to replace my old white blocky ipod this year but thought, hey if it still works, why replace it? sounds like a winner right?

It's going to take hours and hours to import everything back into itunes, but it's worth it damn it!

Now some other day when i'm feeling froggy, i'll have to combine all my other picture files and video files into one streamlined organizational system. I got a great start on it a year ago, but have accumulated so much in that tiny time that it needs it again. After that, I shall go to work cleaning the hell out of old file systems and programs that see exactly zero use and then I will truly claim my awesome computer of doom! Muhahahaha! Because that's what I do, I organize and conquer. And then the next yahoo that messes with my computer better live up to the system or I'll slowly and painfully eviscerate them with my nagging.

I feel the need to express myself more again. I'll make no promises and thus make no lies, but I'd like to start writing again. Even if no one ever reads what I write, I need to start documenting again. It's the outlet that I love most, because it's me talking to me:). That and I read some of my old work, journals and other writings and I miss that voice. I would say "voice of reason" but she's not always reasonable lol.


in other news, my younger brother david is in the hospital burn unit from a freak fire accident when he was burning some brush. i'm still in shock and full of worries about it, it just doesn't seem real. part of me wants to go see him just to shock the system, but i have nothing to offer to help him so i refuse to dignify that selfish part of me. besides the fact that he said he doesn't want anyone to see him. i worry that he'll be heavily scarred and that it will impede his life or that his child will never know his father as he was before. i worry that he'll lose his ability to play music, which is the only thing in life that i've ever seen give him peace and joy. and i worry that he'll become paralyzed with a fear of fire. i wish i could do something for him other than sending good thoughts and prayers, but for now, i'll leave it be.
journies begin with the first step

notes to self so far

-thinking early september 2010, checked history of weather and seems like least rain and not as overheated.
-still want outside, but have thought a nice twilight, early evening time might be beautiful with just the -right lighting and dress (would have to pop)
-might be nice to have a faux gazebo of sorts, a diy sort of deal. if day, some kind of nice vine/flower/1920's kind of look. if early evening, same but with string of lights (can you find battery powered lights?)
-lighting for twilight would necessitate candles, solar polared aisles lights (really like those moonstone like ones that jason's parents have), something with glow....might be tricky but again would be so glittering and perfect
-seating??? stand for very short ceremony? rent chairs? unsure...

-no real surprise here, i want natural, beautiful, fairy enchanted movie like...the Susan kind of perfect fairytale princess wedding.
-very small and limited guest list. family of course, including extended (though who knows who actually will show), small list of friends (Susan: catherine & wolf & family, stephanie(sic), sonya, christian, chris s. & family, anngee?, kim (i really need to call her, i am such a bad friend)?), coworkers? (uhm...maybe? like the ones i like, not ones i tolerate, though as long as i'm getting presents does it matter ...rofl, i kid...but no really i don't lol....),and whoever is conducting the darn thing.
-flower girl MUST wearing fairy wings, and some sort of adorable almost elflike dress...can't stop thinking of the combo of purple and green...though if the wedding is early september, then the color needs to be richer rather than paler....
-might have to subject all wedding party members with something fanciful like wings, or beautiful flowered hair pieces, veil-like material down hair...something beautiful, feminine, and strong
-pagan like:religion light; not to be confused with the absence of religion. in fact, would like there to be the presence and mention of God...just my God, not necessarially there's....absolutely NO reading of that whole "love is patient, love is kind" passage, i simply can not take hearing that again.
-dress to be detailed below

-jason? who knows, but it darned well better be handsome and comfortable...we'll have to work on it
-flowergirl listed above....
-women attendants should wear what they are most comfortable in, though we may have to go with a color...should make it a simple one that everyone is beautiful noted earlier, there will have to be a unifying sparkle item to be decided upon later
-ring boy??? dunno yet
-the dress: I've thought about this one for a long time and have dresses in my head...take little bits from all of them and make one amazing dress...sleeves have to be long, slitted but connected at the wrist, elbow, and shoulder, would be nice to have flow with an elongated bell sleeve, can be made of lace, sheer, or silky...bodice could be one of many but it would be prettiest to fall from the bound shoulder, in loose buttery folds. has to be flattering, fitted bodice, leading to slimmer waist...full skirt that flows. no petticoats, but perhaps some layers....if evening wedding, the fabric has to be overlaid or inset with silvery threads and little gems or pearls to catch the light and sparkle like a star (would be so fucking beautiful)...color could be creamy, antiqued white or nice silvery one. thought about colored panels like in underskit but not sure....i don't know where this dress exists other than behind my eyes, but i will find a way to have it.

Wedding Party
Matron of honor: asked Catherine long ago and still hopes she will be by my side.
Other Attendant: Sonya, if she'll have me and can be there;
Man of Honor:? but Austin needs to be in the ceremony somewhere, so here or as a second attendant
Ringbearer: Lukas, has to be....god help us if he throws the ceremony *grin*
Flowergirl: Sage, the very pixie herself....hope she has hair by then
Ushers: hopefully no need of any

-need to keep fall colors and summer: sunflower yellow,burgundy, dusty rose, plums, burnt oranges...
-i want gads of them! can be as simply as ferns to roses
-thinking perhaps a simple bouquet of long stemmed blackeyed susans or sunflowers with astors and babies breath....if night need something bright or silvery to go with theme

-is it tacky to go pot luck with some catered?
-definitely need drinks for my family lol
-could bypass a full meal and go with cake and drinks? some finger food? (but don't you hate those weddings when you go all day and the cheapos won't feed you? at least this one would be a relaxed and quick ceremony wedding)
-cake: been watching too much ace of cakes or not enough because i want tiers, flowers, and how awesome would those nice jeweled ornaments of those metal hangers be? the topper has to be my mother's's family history

-old ella fitzgerald jazz, classical, rock, interesting mix courtesy of perhaps maybe only an ipod lol
-though wouldn't it be nice to have just a record player playing some old instrumental jazz for the official dance?

-hired out baby! plus as many as my friends and family could possibly take....though i need a professional to capture those fantasticly framed candids

-honestly I love the idea of a reception under a lighted tent in the field, but parking would be who knows?
-music, food, fun
journies begin with the first step

not such a baby anymore

tomorrow my baby boy turns 2, what an amazing ride so far.

today my baby boy picked up a newspaper with the president elect's picture on it and said clear as day "Obama". i'm not sure what to think about that, but it's very fascinating.

i have been mum too long. i shall be posting again (with hope) tomorrow.


*kicks Warner Brothers ass to the moon and back again for pushing back the Harry Potter movie to summer 2009!*

Those bastards.
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